....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
