At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
