i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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