Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
