Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Randomize
