yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
