I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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