My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
