mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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