I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
