Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
