imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
