youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
