This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
