I smell stomach acid.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
