im having a threesome with these popsicles
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
