Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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