A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I said "one day" and that day is not today
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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