I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
