all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
