Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
