it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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