Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your penis caused this!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
