whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
