HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
