Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
