when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
