well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
