I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
