the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
