That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
