I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
