id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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