I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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