I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
