we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
