Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
