Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
