i think i have herpe
just one?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
