i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I need moral support for this bender
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
