So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
