Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
