Please, let me fuck your mom
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think my fart just growled at me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
