I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
