the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Buhtt sex?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
