You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
