He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
