Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize