Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
