I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
