i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
