Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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