just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
