So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
