No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
