Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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