Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
