I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
