This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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