when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
