have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
