How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
