haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
