He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
