Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
