wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
