i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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