So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wish I could teleport
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
