Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
