make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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