my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
