we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
